Travel Woes of a Paddleboard

Back in August of 2020 I invested in a kickstarter project for an Origami Paddleboard, I loved the idea, my adult daughter is not home often and the idea of one that could fit the car and not need pumping up, seemed ideal.

It was my second attempt at a kickstarter project, my first being for a rum bottle, and I was really pleased with that. I travel a lot and saved on shipping by having it delivered to my hotel next time I was in the US.

That was my plan for the paddleboard. The first covid lockdown was over, and we were still working from home, but I didn't expect it to continue for too long, so was happy with the plan.


The fund was a success and in April 2021 shipping within the US started. At this stage there was no sight of returning to work travel so I looked at it eventually being shipped to Europe. With issues around supply chain globally, and specifically my new border-non-border where I live in N Ireland, and no idea about import duty, I was at a loss about what to do.


Then I changed jobs, and found myself travelling again to the US, so opted for bringing it home via a plane, after all the website said it only weighed 45 Lb, (about 21Kg) so it should be easy. I am top status with British Airways and am allowed 3 pieces at 32KG (70 Lb) each, so no problem.


It was eventually delivered to a colleague in May and his first comment was "It's a very big box!"
"Don't worry, was my reply, I'm gold with British Airways, almost unlimited luggage".


A few weeks later I was in the office and saw the box. It was very big.


Panicking a little, especially after another colleague suggested it may be too big a box. I looked a BA's website. 90 x 75 x 43cm (35.5 x 29.5 x 16in). Pretty generous so should be OK, but then we got out the tape measure. 90 x 80 x38 (35.5 x 32 x15) just a tiny bit too big.


I emailed them and they did reply but simply sent me a link to the website.

Then I phoned them, spending almost an hour to get through. They do have some exceptions for sporting goods. If it was a bike, there would be no issue it can be enormous! There is a paragraph about Kayaks, and this does convert into a kayak. It says "you can take short surfboards and small kayaks with paddles in a protective bag as part of your checked baggage as long as the packed bag is under 190cm in length." - well it is only 90cm so that should be OK. Whilst he agreed the agent said it was open to interpretation and wouldn't give me an email - just told me to turn up and see what happened.

Now, I specialise in worrying, so we opened the box to see if we could remove any packaging but there wasn't anything.

My colleagues all though it would be fine. The baggage staff probably don't work for British Airways as there is only 2 flights a day at peak, and 'everything is bigger in Texas' anyway.

Not convinced I decided on a plan B. A colleague would take me to the airport, drop me off and then wait nearby for the all OK. If they refused it then they would take it back to the office and next time I came over I would travel with American or United who both have a total dimensions must not exceed .... policy, which would be fine.

On the day, we resealed the box, and I added superior string with a breaking limit of 100 Lb to make it very secure and add ways to lift box.

My colleagues helped me to the truck, making a big deal about the size, It took 4 of us to get it in the elevator.

But once we got to the airport, I was on my own. Not only the box, but also my other luggage. I had been in the US for 5 weeks and also a quick trip to Mexico scuba diving for which I had bought my own equipment with me, so let's just say a lot of luggage. But with one hand on the luggage cart, my hand luggage on my back and dragging the other case behind me, all was good.

What a non event, the agent never even battered an eye lid. I asked if I needed to take it to outside baggage and she said no, they had their own porters to do that. Total checked weight 78KG 171 Lb (scuba is heavy). 


Off I went to the lounge, to ring my colleague, let him leave, and then to relax. My flight was delayed, having previously been moved from an earlier time slot, and once I got to London, I had another 8 hours before I finally got back to my home airport. However I know my box was travelling so I was fine with it.


When I finally arrived at my airport, a young baggage handler pushed the box out into arrivals and asked who owned it. "Me" I squeaked and loaded up another cart. Small panic when I realised it might not get it through the narrow exit of the arrivals hall, but I managed it, just.


My normal taxi driver laughed as he loaded up the car. Back seat needed as well as the normal boot / trunk. And finally I was home.

The box had been opened, my beautiful string cut, but inside the box, was a lovely note from TSA explaining their right to do so. It wasn't damaged, so that's OK, I suspect they were simply intrigued. The box does say what is inside.


So alls well that ends well. Let's just hope the daughter likes it.

Surviving WFH - Counting My Blessings

Everyday, on every news broadcast we see the real implications of this crisis. The deaths are expected but no less awful, and there are so many other implications.

People are loosing their jobs, the UK is trying to help here and whatever your politics they are making an effort. 

People are loosing the businesses, I have family who have successful small businesses who have had to stop trading. I have relatives who have had to let people go.

My job is safe, I suspect it will change after all this, and that worries me but I have a job and I am being paid. I did have to ring my oil supplier, to explain I may need a delivery of oil. Normally one delivery a year is enough for me but I am now heating the house everyday. An extra cost for me, but other people will have increasing bills and perhaps not the income or savings to support that.

I can leave my house if I need to. I am not self isolating, I have had no symptoms. My last travel was to Madrid, which is now the 2nd worse city in Europe. I am blessed.

I have many friends including my daughter working on the front line in hospitals. Each are taking many risks and I am so proud of them. Again here in the UK our NHS is handling it much better than others, yes they have shortages but they are doing their best. I have a friend in the US where that is not the situation.

I have friends and family who are supporting the population. Those in distribution who are keeping the shops and hospitals supplied. Those in residential homes to are keeping safe those whose own families are not even allowed to visit. I have one friend who has closed his place of work and he and his workforce are now volunteering as drivers to keep the supply chain going.

I have signed up to volunteer, not sure what I will be doing, put I've registered.

I have no one in my house 'shielding', that must be very scary, I have family and friends where this is the case, and it isn't easy.

My wider family recently setup a 'whatsapp' group when my grandmother, who is 100, was in hospital with respiratory issue. Just typing that sounds awful. It was before coronavirus, she recovered and is back at home. Anyway that group is a great comfort, and I am chatting with cousins and aunts that previously I spoke to just a few times a year. Everyday we try a quiz and it is fun.

I have had a few video calls with friends and most days with my daughter. Thankyou so much for the internet. How would we survive this without that connectivity?

I wish my household was more than just me, but I also know that people are having issues with domestic and sexual abuse more in these dark times.

So whilst I am still struggling with isolation, I know I have it easy. 

Surviving WFH - Week 3

I am writing this post on Sunday 29th March. I have been working from home for 3 weeks. My company stopped us travelling a week before the government recommended it.

That means I have been in my house for 23 consecutive nights. I have not spent that much time in this house since 2008. I live on my own, my job includes lots of domestic and international travel. I love that balance of working in cities and living in the country.

Now I am struggling. Not with the WFH, that is easy, although I am working much longer hours.

Thankfully most calls for work are video enabled and I see people. My own UK team have 'huddles' every other day, just to check in and goof around. Wednesday it was wear a wig or hat day, loved it.

I am trying not to work all hours, and am trying to find a routine.

I have osteoarthritus in my knees and my surgeon says I should do non weight bearing exercise like cycling or swimming. It isn't a big deal, it was but I got a steroid injection almost 2 years ago and it was a miracle. So I try and do the exercise. If I am in a hotel there is normally a pool and at home I have an exercise bike. I get up early but regardless of the time, I cycle then, watching the BBC 6am news (thank goodness for iplayer). I don't do a lot, normally just 20 minutes although I have increased that a little now.

My own cuddly coronavirus creations

I love crafts so have tried to do some of that. This week I saw a coronavirus on facebook and adapting a pattern I found for Mike from Monsters' Inc, made my own and a few for some friends. I won't be doing any more they are really fiddly but it was fun. I also made a rainbow for my window, and then for a friend who runs a nursery. 

I have a small yard at the back of my house which has recently been cleaned and the walls painted so I painted a bench and some pots and made a little area to enjoy the evening sun. ( N Ireland is quite far north so on a good day we stay light quite late).

I have tried not to go to the shops. I now have enough food to feed me for a couple of weeks but milk and fresh vegetables was getting low, so I ventured to the village on Thursday. Down to the little shop and back in about 2 1/2 miles, and it was a lovely day, so I walked. Oh dear, it was like having been on a dive boat for a week, my legs, despite the cycle every day, were not used to walking. It was really weird. I think I will try a walk everyday without going to see people.

The shop itself, and the other 2 shops in our village, a greengrocer and butchers, both had long queues. Everyone was stood the right distance from each other but I expected more conversation, it was weirdly quiet. What was lovely was seeing lambs in the fields as I walked along the lane.


Next week I am going to try and work less, and do more of the personal things on my list.

Surviving WFH - escaping, just the once

The first week of social distancing went OK. WFH was really easy, as I said I have everything needed for that. The isolation is hard but even harder is the routine of not being on the go all the time.

My Seasearch group suggested shore diving. Dive boats are closed down but I am blessed to live on an island where the coast is never that far away. So after 9 years of diving I invested in a scuba tank so I could go shore diving whenever I wanted.

thanks to Oliwia for the photo

3 of us met at a small harbour and the only other person out was someone open swimming - brrrrrr the water temperature was 5'C. It was cold, really cold and we only managed about 40 minutes in the water but it was wonderful. It cleared my head and made everything right with the world. Visibility wasn't great but I was so happy.

However when we got out there was many more swimmers in the water and a lot of walkers, it was a beautiful day. 

This was our first weekend under 'social distancing' but the weather was wonderful and people although intending to stay apart , naturally flocked to the coast. In other parts of the UK it was national parks or beauty spots. So unintentionally we were still at risk. In this fast moving crisis the rules are now that we can't drive to our place of exercise. So that is the end of the diving for a while.

Yesterday the local police introduced fines of £5,000 for breaking social distancing rules.

Very disappointing, I know the diving is my go-to thing, and once a week would keep my mental wellbeing in a good place but I also know the risks of unnecessary interaction.

I'll just need to look at all my photos.

Surviving WFH - Social Distancing

Monday, week two at home. Work is going well, my internet is holding up and I certainly have plenty to do.

I had lunch with an old friend. We met in a restaurant that was almost deserted, but it was great to catch up. I might even grow to like this #WFH.

But then it all changed. Social Distancing. No going out to coffee shops. No Zumba. Church cancelled. Nothing.

My employer is amazing. Accenture have > 500,000 employees and many of us can work from home.  What we are doing depends on the projects we are on, each customer has their own challenges and we will do what we can to help each one.

The team I belong to, is having regular 'huddles' on line. Just a 'hi, how are you?' share a joke, just keep in contact. I love it. They are encouraging us to be on camera, to make the human interaction feel more real, and from tomorrow we will have online meditation sessions, armchair exercises and virtual yoga classes. 

I shared this photo, it looks like I am living in a bubble. Taking social distancing really seriously, but actually I am having my house painted and they were masking the windows. The view has now returned to normal.

I am incredibly busy at work, refining my role as we have just had a big reorganisation and I do feel I am managing that very well. I have been supporting poor colleagues who have been doing large presentations online to customers, and have to do it myself next week. 

But I am lonely. I live on my own and it is really quiet when I take off my headphones at the end of the day. The weather hasn't been good for walking but they promise better tomorrow, perhaps I'll go for a walk. 

I chatted with my daughter this evening, thank goodness for the internet and social media.

Surviving WFH - End of Week One

I decided I would make into my second stage of the virus, the 'positive' stage. It is probably good I live on my own as I would have been hell to live with the last few days. As the governments of the world, shut the doors, country by country, I resigned myself that this was going to be a long haul but was determined to try and deal with it.

I started the weekend by buying some flowers for my house (why is explained in this earlier post).

I told myself I would shop in local shops, visit a different independent coffee shop each day and support those who needed it. 

I even thought, 'if I can't travel for a while', I can practise living at home full time and see how it will feel in retirement. Was there enough here to keep me busy? 

I actually got quite excited. Started making coffee dates with friends, thought I would go to the Zumba class just started at church and generally settle into village life.

This positivity, though was short lived. I decided to brave the shops. I don't need toilet paper, a pack of 9 would last me months, so even if I was home full time, as long as I didn't eat much of my own cooking I would still be ok.

But my cupboards were bare, needed the basics. Joke, it was unbelievable. Apparently the germans call this panic buying 'hamstring'. It is as if we are preparing for hibernation. Toilet paper wasn't on my list, but basic things like eggs and pasta, even coffee was all gone. Luckily I am only me and not a family of 4 or 5.

Sunday I drove a little further to a big supermarket, and it was just the same. The I got to the till, it wasn't too bad. A couple being served, and just one other lady before me. The couple were quite young and obviously expecting their first baby anyway. They had 4 packs of newborn nappies, each containing just 20 nappies. I am guessing there were no larger packs on the shelves. The cashier tried to ring them up but it only allowed 3, the limit for that supermarket. The cashier explained and the couple were not rude just bemused. The cashier offered to talk to a supervisor and get an exception, but was told no, it was the rules and the till was programmed to reject > 3 of any item. So the last behind them, said she would put the other packet in her shopping, which she did. Then as the couple walked away, the cashier burst into tears. She said so many people had been rude to her all day, and yet she still had to say no to someone really in need.

Church was quite busy, but we were expecting older people to be told to stay at home so I expect the numbers to be much lower next week. There was no tea or coffee after church and the collection was on the way out, no passing bowls around the congregation.

Trying to stay positive is going to be hard.

Surviving WFH - Cancel, Cancel, Cancel

The government, My Employer, the news and Facebook had new information and things to worry about several times a day.

Monday - I was told no work travel, and cancelled flights for that week.

Tuesday - I was told the conference I was speaking at in Norway this week was postponed. I knew it was coming and it was the right thing to do. When I speak overseas I can claim the costs back after the event, so here I was going to loose a lot of money. I have travel insurance but it wouldn't pay up just because an event was cancelled. Last year at the event I won a voucher for Norwegian Air and thought I would use it this year to travel to the far North of Norway and try and see the Northern Lights. All was booked, 3 days light chasing and then down to Oslo for the conference.

What should I do? If I cancel all of it I will be out of pocket for a lot of money. If I still go to see the lights, it will cost me more to change some of logistics, but at least I will have a short holiday and who knows when I will get the next one. This process took many hours, but finally it was done.

Wednesday - work contacted me and told me I could not travel to the US in April for a conference. They wanted to cancel my flight but it was very expensive and for a few hundred I was able to change it to cover another planned trip in October.

Thursday - Norway announced anyone entering would need to go into 14 days quarantine. Guess the Light chasing was off. Oh and the conference in the US was called off.

Friday - I cancelled as much as I could for the Norway trip. It was by now on their government website, so perhaps I will get something from my insurance. I did get through to them but all they said was, fill in the form and we will assess it. I cancelled one flight and then 4 hours later they introduced a voucher scheme for re-use.

I calculate I spent almost a working day, amending, canceling and understanding options. Very frustrating, and although it was hard I still believed it was just a blip.

Surviving WFH - Week One

My last work post was about 'Being Equal and Valued', a positive piece that summed up how I felt about my hand in life.

I love my job, I love being valued. 

I love my home, I live in a little village in N Ireland and despite the rain, I love the tranquility and almost quaintness about it, but I crave the hustle and bustle of my job.

For the last 15 years I have travelled a lot. At least 3 weeks out of 4, I will be in London for 2 or 3 nights and then the other week I will be further afield speaking at a conference somewhere.

I own my diary and I make it work for me. I am the luckiest mum in the world, my daughter is my best friend and I see her at least once a month. I add a day's leave here and there and get some wonderful long weekends and if there is any chance of a dive somewhere I take it.

I love the logistic planning, what suitcase(s) do I need? What currency do I need? Complex itinerarys are my forte. I can be on the road for 3 weeks and manage it well.

I don't spend a lot of time in my home, and in fact if I stay anywhere for more than 5 consecutive nights I buy flowers, and that includes my house. I probably buy less than 10 bunches a year.

So this idea of Working From Home (WFH) is so alien to me. Physically it is no issue, I have been able to work from home since the late nineties. I have a second telephone line that was for my dial up modem, when I did on call support for customers. I have a beautiful office, built for my needs, I have everything I need. I sit at my desk and have a lovely view out over some fields, my house is higher than the road (lane with no road markings) and I can watch the odd tractor go by for distraction.

Last year I had a few sessions with an executive coach and she told me my strongest trait was the need to understand everything, and hated anything outside of that. So true, I hate magic, the circus, things I don't understand. In fact in my job my best skill is taking something, distilling it down to the simplest components and building the story back up whilst educating everyone else on it. I do that in meetings and presentations.

So not knowing what is going on is killing me.

I knew Coronavirus was bad, but it sort of sneaked up on me. It first affected me at the end of January. I was diving in Mexico and the day before the dive company announced if you had been in China you could cancel for free. Nothing for me to worry about. We had two guys from Singapore on our boat but they had been in the States for a few weeks before the trip, so again no issue. We had no internet for 9 days and when we got back to port, things had really kicked in. The two guys couldn't get back to Singapore as their airline had stopped flying.

I came back to Europe and attending a training course in Madrid,Spain, even then it wasn't too bad. Italy was just realising they had a small problem. Two weeks later Milan was on lock down and and I was back in Madrid for another workshop. We all arrived on the Sunday but Monday morning we had an email from Head Office to say no more international travel. We stayed, we were already there, but knew things were getting serious.

When I got home that weekend, I was still meant to be in London from the Tuesday, Dublin on Wednesday for a conference and back to London. On Monday the event in Dublin was cancelled and I was told I couldn't travel to London, so I cancelled all flights for the week. I argued that Belfast to London was not international travel, and actually escalated it to the right person who agreed with me, but by then it was too late. On Friday he emailed me direct to say, domestic travel was also out!

So a week at home I didn't expect. Good chance to catch up on a few things, went to a Marine Life meeting, and meet a few friends in coffee shops. 

Surviving WFH - A Journal

Like many people I am working from home (WFH).

I am not ill, I am not high risk and I know I am lucky, my job and my income are not at risk and this is just a small inconvenience compared to many, many people.

I have decided to write a post every few days so I can look back and laugh at how stressed I got about WFH, but please always remember I am not belittling the situation we are in or anyone affected, or even how governments are reacting. By writing these posts I am trying to make sense of my situation and look for positives, thank those who have helped and probably moan at bureaucracy.

Old Ladies and the Bay City Rollers

Last night I went to a concert of my childhood favourites, The Bay City rollers.

When I was 13 I lived in Germany where my dad was in the army, we lived in a very British community but with news from back home restricted to what was in the Sun newspaper and even that was about 2 days after the fact. This was 1975 and the height of the Bay City Rollers popularity. I remember one friend, Jacqueline and I wore tartan trews all the time, and we flew back to England in the holidays dressed that way, much to the embarrassment of our parents. I specifically remember standing at the top of the steps from the plane and not understanding why everyone wasn't dressed that way, 'the Sun' said they were bigger than the Beatles!!

I did find an old photo of me at the time, very faded but I know it was a BCR t shirt and you can just see the tartan on the trousers.

This was an amazing concert, much anticipated and a sell out crowd.
Local shops had sold out of both tartan and incontinence pants as ladies of a certain age got ready for the event of the decade. I did have a friend with me but have decided not to name her as she has a professional reputation to uphold.

Only one member of the 'famous' lineup remained, Les McKeown but that didn't matter, the five old men on the stage could have been anyone, no-one would notice. They sang well but again you couldn't hear the detail above the screams of the old ladies. My heart throb from the main lineup was 'Woody', he wasn't there but the 'new' old bass player was quite attractive from where I was sitting.

According to the 2011 census Northern Ireland has approximately 100,000 women between the age of 50 and 60 (the demographics for this concert, those who were teenagers in the BCR  heyday of 1975), and the Waterfront hall sits 2,250, so over 2% of all those who could attended this event. I did see a few men, not many and they all looked like a lone woman who has wondered into a lap dancing club in error.

All the ladies danced all night, probably because if they sat down they would never get back up again, and I am sure I am not the only one today suffering from sore arm muscles from holding a scarf above my head all night. Probably the equivalent of planking for teenagers. But we were not as old as the band, the breaks between songs were quite long as they got their breath back and swigged from bottles I am guessing contained sanatogen! in the middle they did quite a long instrumental piece which i am sure was to help them recover.

The crowd were pretty good, to start with a few brave ones would approach the stage to give flowers or a scarf, and they queue well, guess we have plenty of practice queuing for our pensions, but then Les kissed one lady and the crowd went mad, it was our equivalent of Black Friday, like if Asda reduced bread by 10p a loaf, the crowd went mad. Luckily the bouncers who all looked geriatric but were probably younger than the band, soon brought order back to the chaos.

Many of the crowd dressed up, some ladies appeared to have the same haircuts, and the same clothes, pity their figures weren't the same. I had a new outfit I made for a party in Seattle last year, so felt so pleased I didn't throw it out. Felt great.

They played all their old hits and just a couple of covers, including Daydream believer which just made me cry.

All too soon it was over and of course they had to finish with Bye Bye Baby, but the old ladies had a great time, and now they need to recover, after all it is only 8 days till '50 shades' is released.

A wasted afternoon - Annie 2014

Oh dear some things are just so wrong! I saw a Graham Norton show recently and two of the guests were Cameron Diaz and Jamie Fox promoting their new film Annie (2014). They talked about the music being updated as well as the setting, quoting Jay-Z's 'It's a hard knock life"; so I thought why not?

Normally I don't go to the cinema much, I wait till a film comes out at a 'setback near me' and watch 3 or 4 in a row, but my daughter likes the cinema and loves musicals so I thought it would be a great thing to do together.

So today, boxing day we went to the cinema excited about the film.

The popcorn and 'pick'n'mix' was ok and it was a nice building but that was it. The film would have been ok if the music was simply a soundtrack but them bursting into song, made a bad film awful.

Don't waste your money.

A Proud Mummy in San Francisco

Not really anything to do with OOW except that a write up about OOW wouldn't be complete without a mention of my companion for the week.

I am mum to a wonderful child, not only my daughter but my best friend. She is 26 ( having had a birthday during OOW) and a serving officer in the British Army; yes I am a very proud parent.

She has been on an extended period of service and on completion had a long vacation, but having packed in meeting a new cousin for the first time, being godmother for her best friends daughter, best woman for her dad's wedding and buying her first home, she didn't have much time for me; who had also started a new job! So I suggested she come out to San Francisco with me, she came out once before 9 years ago and entertained herself while I worked so she knew what to expect.

I think she had forgotten just how busy I am and combined with jet lag that she does suffer from (I don't) she was a bit grumpy at first but soon met up with friends she had met around the world at various conferences (she has attended more conferences worldwide than most users and met many of my fellow ACE directors).

She is technically an Oracle user, at university they used PeopleSoft Campus Solutions and the army use EBS for HR /Pay. Not that she wanted to attend any sessions or even talk Oracle!

She arrived on the Thursday evening at the end of the first day of the ACE Director briefings and we had a quiet evening with friends. Friday morning she joined in the Chi Gung led by Kent Graziano ( which was the only day I managed it). Then I sent her off slowly to the city to get a jump start on checking into the hotel, when 80 ACEs arrive together you can imagine the queue.

Saturday I had free time and we did the cycle across the Golden Gate Bridge, the first stage of my OOW Triathlon.

Sunday started with the bridge run and she ran with her friend Alex Gorbachev and made many more new friends. That evening was the ACE dinner and thank you OTN for her invitation. She loved the entertainment and had a great time.

Monday we had the bay swim and she is a great swimmer. She had been disappointed she didn't know about the Alcatraz swim on the Saturday, she isn't up to Connor McDonald level but could have completed this, but at least she got to swim, and was impressed with my attempt.

Fiona Martin from UKOUG had been unable to take part in the bridge run but wanted to so having never met my daughter before they got together and ran the bridge together, making Fiona entitled to a t shirt. After dinner they went to Foley's the Irish bar in San Francisco were all UK delegates / Oracle & partners end up and I joined them there to celebrate her birthday as it reached midnight.

Tuesday her actual birthday was my busiest day, but she had a late breakfast (having celebrated well into the night) and then her great friend Mogens Nørgaard, with whom she has previously taken part in the Nijmegen Marches  and who had visited her when she was at Sandhurst, took her for a champagne lunch. I joined them later and then we had coffee in the most fantastic coffee shop and Gallery I have ever been in. Mogens has a party trick of opening champagne with a sword. She had never tried this and he promised to put that right. Unfortunately he couldn't find a sword in downtown San Francisco but never one to get hung up on details brought her an alternative later in the week.

I had to go to a partner dinner but my friend Alex Nuijten offered to take her to dinner and onto the Benelux reception. I think she had a great day.

 

Wednesday she came to the Appreciation event at Treasure Island although she opted to leave early with me about half way through the Aerosmith set. But before the party we went to the Bloggers MeetUp where Mogens arrived with champagne...........and an axe. Bottles opened the problem was then what to do with the axe? Mogens took it back that night, but then gave it to me in the restaurant of the hotel the next day, not that anyone seemed worried. Then I got to bring it home in my checked luggage.

 

Then all too soon it was Thursday, I was speaking I the morning but we did have time for lunch again with Mogens and some other OakTable people, included the MOFIL Graham. This was when Doug Burns asked if she was my real daughter.

 

Yes she is.

 

Interview with Tim Hall

His interviews are so funny Michelle and I thought we would turn the tables!



MM: How are the Oracle ACE Briefings?

TIM: Fine but I am in the doghouse with the wife

DL: Let’s move off that subject, how are the briefings?

Tim: They are good but I can’t tell you anything its under NDA

DL: OK tell me about your job

Tim: No

MM: Looks like you're not talking to her either so, tell me what you do outside of work?

Tim: I told you the wife hates me

MM: Is she your whole world?

Tim: No, I love laundry.

DL: OK…Anything else?

Tim: And I am working on a secret project

DL: (at last something interesting), tell me about it

Tim: It’s very secret but code named OGC

DL: you can’t talk about THAT it’s under NDA – this interview is terminated!!

Vi Flyder I Vin - Part 2

 

Back at the start of June I took part in the Vi Flyder I Vin 'We Float in Wine' challenge. Sailing on a trampoline using wine box liners as floats.

It was such a success it was decided to do it again this time around the parliament building in the centre of Copenhagen. Somehow this time it was to be two trampolines.

 

I thought it was just another mad idea from Mogens Nørgaard who has these frequently and it is best to just humour him, however apparently there was a political point behind it...............................or so the official story goes.

Nicolai Oster the other protagonist from the original story has a bit of a reputation as a political activist, harmless but passionate and feels the need to have his say. He is well known to the Danish authorities and so when he applied for a permit for a protest, they were not surprised and granted it.

Now I am not saying they are nuts in Denmark, but I do like their freedom of speech. The protest was against the no recyclable status of garden trampolines and wine boxes, and his solution.... to builds boats that would sure up the Danish Navy against possible attacks! The permit not only granted the right to protest but included actual permission to demonstrate by having no more than 8 persons on each trampoline craft. For my friends in N Ireland, try getting that through the Parades Commission!

Malov is about 20km from the centre of Copenhagen so the challenge was to get two 4.2m diameter trampolines into town! Even with the help of a 32ton (we think they gave us the wrong stats here we would estimate at least another 30%), they had to be partially dismantled.

 

On arrival in the town centre, just by the Black Diamond Library they put them back together again and we got on with the building. Last time we had 272 bags for 1 trampoline, which was much more than needed, this time we had about 320 for 2, not quite enough but it would do. We had to reduce number of passengers and got wet feet but they were sturdy and safe.

 

It was a beautiful late summer's evening and people finishing work were very interested in what we were up to. I was like a kind of military quarter master, handing out and rationing materials (God forbid we rang out of duct tape), and explaining the build process (those bags have to sit just right). Defiantly not as perfect as the first outing good enough, we are now experts.

Once we had finished the construction we moved over to the canal. We started at the bottom left of the canal and sailed up and round to just past the arrow at Gammel Strand.

Last time I didn't believe we could actually sail very far so I volunteered to be a safety officer and stay in the water in a wetsuit, that way when everybody got wet I would be ok. I was also able to take interesting photos from the water. For this second challenge I was led to believe would have an outboard motor, and since I knew they were so stable I was sure I was not needed in the water.... I was wrong

Although I got on the trampoline I decided to get back in the water since there are no sharks in Copenhagen (that I know off) and there was a distinct lack of motor and the wet feet those sailing had already.

 

 

 
The original intention was to sail the 3 sides of the Frederiksholms Kanal spur, and our permit allowed us 3 hours in total but by the time we entered the water we had just over an hour to sail the 1.5km. The waterway looks quiet but in reality it is part of the tourist route and frequented by tourists so quite busy.

Being a tourist myself I  was keen to see this unique view of the Natural history museum, the original palace, the parliament and of course the old brewery.

 

As each tour boat passed us, we stood to attention and saluted as Nicolai would repeat his speech. The tourists loved it as did most of the crew but for each one we needed to move over to the side, the problem was the crew of my trampoline were too busy saluting and drinking to row so I spent the entire time towing them, just 6 weeks ago I did my PADI rescue diver and was worried I was not strong enough to tow an injured diver very far when in practice I towed a trampoline with 5 crew for over a km.

 

 

The reaction we got from tourists and locals was amazing with people stopping what they were doing to watch us and wonder what it was all about.

 

The whole experience was fun except for the final bridge, which was very wide and took us a long time to get through. I believe the rules of the water state that power gives way to rowers but we simply kept to the side and let them pass. three passed us in this tunnel, the first had about 1m clearance and was fine, the 2nd had very little clearance and it actually caused the trampoline to spin forward and I had to work hard to keep moving anti clockwise to avoid being crushed against the side of the tunnel. The third boat where we encountered our only miserable skipper, had no room and should have waited for us to clear the tunnel and we were literally 20m from doing so, but no he ploughed on literally into us causing me to actually be scared. The spinning was fine, I dumped my camera on the trampoline and moved quickly, but the speed was so fast that I was in danger of being sucked under the trampoline and I would not have been able to breathe, I may have had a wetsuit on but I had no air supply, so I had to kick out and push at the trampoline instead of pull it; but I was quite calm and it was all over ok quite quickly, and back to the important matter of sailing.

By now the light was starting to fade so the decision was made to finish at the 2/3rd point rather than continue to our planned finish, we were running out of time. we docked at the tour boat jetty but it was a bit high for me and I was exhausted and my legs were in danger of cramping. I can't pull myself up and there was no ladder. luckily another thing taught on the rescue diver course is how to lift a unresponsive body onto dry land and I just gave orders. Not very lady like and I made them promise not to take photos but I forgot the go pro was set to take them every 10 seconds.

 

As we had finished early we were not at our expected rendezvous point and thus had 2 trampolines too far to carry. We decided to leave them where we landed and arrange something for the next day. It was suggested they were simply dumped as performance art but I like to think it was a way to show our point, there ARE no recycling facilities for these items.

 

Interestingly the next morning one was covered in graffiti and was observed being dismantled add disposed of by Copenhagen refuse collectors as if it was an everyday occurrence, and the 2nd had found its way to the main square.

 

We finished the evening with a lovely traditional meal and I thought I would never be able to stand I was so exhausted (although nothing compared to my friend Alex Gorbachev the next day, but that is another story.....)

 

Trips to the yellow mansion are never ordinary and it is always a worry as to what will be the next adventure but this was fun, and how any people do you know who have experienced Copenhagen from water level whilst making a very important point about a global problem? I am proud to have done my bit for the cause.

And just in case you think this is too far out to be true here is the Time lapse video of part II


 

Vi Flyder I Vin

A recipe for a great day out - Take one half baked idea….

It started one dark, dark December evening, two Danish guys sat at the OakTable drinking wine from a bag (in Denmark it is common for the inner bag of a wine box to be removed and stored in a novelty container - or so they tell me) and having squeezed the last drops out, the old guy decided to share his wisdom with the young impressionable visitor.

“”If you blow up the empty bag, you have an inflatable pillow as used by scouts and festival goers worldwide" he explained. Then followed a long discussion around alternative uses for these receptacles and this led to exploring their use as a flotation device and the idea that would later be MS Vinonysus was floated.

Their first idea was an air mattress (additional sleeping arrangements is a common requirement in this house), but soon led onto building a raft that could sail in the local lake. Vi Flyder I Vin was born and translated this means floating in Vine.

Initially they intended to collect 42 (of course), bags for their raft and friends were recruited to help them find empties, which basically meant drinking lots of wine.

For me the idea also resonated because this house is in a village called Måløv and I do not speak Danish and always struggled with the pronunciation but was told to 'say it like Merlot' as in the wine, today that is a very literal town name.

Like most good ideas it snowballed and now today, the 1^st June 2014 had arrived and the ship would sail.

Back to the recipe:

·         272 wine bags (and lots of hangovers later) - this equates to more than 1,000 litres drunk (most were 3lt but some 5lt).

·         Naval captain's uniform given to the old guy Mogens Nørgaard (not that any of you had not guessed the identity already) for his birthday.
 

·         A sailor suit designed by his girlfriend and made from a shower curtain by yours truly for the young guy Nicolai Oster and his hat fashioned from a real Russian Navy hat donated by Alex Gorbachev (don’t worry Alex we took all the important bits off and have now reassembled as before).

·         The girlfriend Cecilie will be the ships figurehead as a mermaid in a costume fashioned from an old nightdress and quickly crocheted flowers. Thank you Lotte for the sewing machine.

·         The ship itself will be launched with the name MS Vinonysus, taken from Dionysus the Greek God of Winemaking, Madness and Debauchery, all very valid here and the obvious Vino, thanks to Mogens’ daughter Christine for the idea.

·         The base of the ship is a large domestic trampoline donated by his young son Viktor but the hope is it too will be restored one day.

·         More duct tape than the average DIYer would use in a lifetime

·         Lots of champagne and food for the workforce

My role in all this? I am chief safety officer and photographer, dressed in 14mm of neoprene wetsuit stationed in the local lake (read murky pond) with waterproof camera and flask of whiskey (for sustenance only of course). My gopro luckily capturing all for a time lapse video.

Phase I – The build

The day started at 10am marked by the ringing of the local church bells (although it may simply have coincided with the Sunday morning service).

3 bags taped together made a T shape and using 37 of these (sorry the other 5 were used later), we wove them like bricks around the outside of the trampoline and using the duct tape created a firm, floating rim. The remaining bags were strung together across the centre of the trampoline and then the complete top was covered in netting to ensure no escapes.

 

Phase II – Getting to the Lake

The legs were removed and the trampoline rolled on its side through a side gate and then carried aloft by 4 strapping men (well Mogens and 3 strapping men) the 420 meters to the lake. In this journey only 1 bag was damaged as it hit a sharp stone.

Then rolled through the bushes to the landing deck of the lake.

By now I was in place, with trusty camera and whisky in place, and go pro attached at a dodgy angle to an overhanging tree.

Phase III – Launch

 

Re assembled the trampoline was placed upside down on the lake. The mermaid and the crew took up their positions and with the opening of champagne and a band playing sailing the MS Vinonysus had her maiden voyage.

Since it was such a success there were another 4 (.2) sailings (I lie there were 7 in total) allowing most of those who had gathered on the docks to have their go on board the latest addition to the Danish Navy.

I was able to video most from my vantage point at water level and only once had to tow the ship like a tug boat. My dive log and rescue credentials will record my part in this historic event.

Phase IV – Return to Port

After the most successful afternoon, in the beautiful sun, the ship was lifted from the water and carried home. Local walkers and car drivers were intrigued, this trampoline and frogman escort but we were soon home and then decided to leave it as it is, the next outing will have an outboard motor.

One small issue, I lost the flask and had to go back, but luckily the flask was bobbing about on the surface and not too far to swim and retrieve.  

Everyone then had a drink to celebrate and toasted to another successful albeit it unusual party at the Yellow House!