Sunday, 19 July 2009

Say Goodbye

Two years ago today I thought my world had ended when my husband left me. I kept a diary for the first 2 weeks and when I reread that I think how did I come through it?

Well I did and although it has not been easy and I have relied on my faith, my friends, my sister and especially my daughter, thrown myself into my job and I have made it to this anniversary.

Brooke sent me a book from Australia a few months back, Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert , in this book a recently divorced woman goes travelling to 'find herself', she Eats her way through Italy, Prays in a retreat in India and then goes off to find love. The book is hundreds of incidents and I have almost reached the end of the Pray section. A few nights ago I read about her saying goodbye to her marriage, letting go of the hate and freeing herself up for the future. (Chapter 60).

So today I did the same, I didn't go to India, but took a drive along the coast and stopped by the sea and said goodbye, then I drove towards home and stopped again at Carnfunock. I bought an ice cream and sat on the verge and look out at the horizon. I couldn't see what was beyond, but I know there is somewhere and that is how I feel. I don't know what my future is but it is out there beyond the horizon.

Walking along the waters edge I picked up a large pebble, it stood out because it has history in it, lines like marble, and when I picked it up the bottom was covered in mud from the high tide. I brushed off the sand (more like mud) and as it dried I realised the pebble reflects me. There will always be the history of my marriage which makes me who I am, and now I have brushed off the hurt I am free to continue on.

I sat back down and meditated on this great feeling of 'moving on' when I heard a couple of motorcycles on the road behind me. Not that unusual, it is a lovely Sunday afternoon and the coast ride is a favourite for bikers, but this bike was a Harley and my husband (soon to be X) has a Harley and unbelievably he and another bike rode past.

He wouldn't have seen me and I am glad, real proof that he has 'ridden off out of my life' and I have survived.

You may call it just an amazing coincidence but to me it was a sign from my God

Wednesday, 17 June 2009

Ashamed of Where I Live

For the last 14 years I have lived in N Ireland, in a small village 18 miles outside of Belfast.

It is a beautiful place and I love it. I moved just after the first ceasefire of 'The Troubles' in April 1996 and despite many concerns of my friends around the world I have not personally seen any trouble.

I know there are still pockets but in general compared to big cities in England which have their own issues with knife and gun crime, this is a great place to live.

But today I am ashamed to admit I live here. How can people think it is acceptable to racially attack a group of people. The violence towards the Romanian community in Belfast is totally unacceptable.

I have heard it may be over a football match where N Ireland lost to Poland and so animosity is to all Eastern Europeans. I can't believe this but then a few weeks ago we had a murder over a Celtic / rangers match.

N Ireland is now a tourist destination, economic investment is good and we are slowly rebuilding our reputation, only to have it spoilt by a few idiotic individuals.

Tuesday, 14 April 2009

When reunions go bad…

My father was in the army and often away. I would miss him terribly and the anticipation of seeing him again would be indescribable, but when he came home and not long after the hugs and kisses, the walking on eggshells would begin. The pent up emotion made everyone on edge and then it was so easy for him or us to do something silly that would result in a falling out.

You would think that once I learnt this I would be able to avoid it, but no, every time. It is a well known phenomena and the army do talk about it to the troops especially after being away for active service.

My daughter on the other hand has a problem with saying goodbye. My best friend has a daughter the same age and the girls are also have a great bond, but every time the spend time together they fall out juts before it is time to say goodbye, regardless of how long they have spent together. My daughter hates to say goodbye and would rather manufacture a fight.

So what do these two sides of our characteristics have to do with me today? Next weekend I see my daughter for the first time since the New Year and we will only have 4/5 days together. The first few days I will try not to upset her or get upset and then we will try not to fall out.

The problem is if we are both trying too hard to avoid this will we actually relax enough to enjoy ourselves and have fun?

I hope so, I love her

Monday, 16 March 2009

Count Your Blessings

Two of my family are having a stressful time and last weekend was a very difficult few days for them. I found myself trying to cheer them up over the phone and trying to make them more positive. For every negative thought have two positive ones was my advice.

Later I thought do I take my own advice and on reflection I think I do. I don't want to dwell on it but a while back after 24 years my husband left and whilst I was devastated I have refused ever to think of it as a failure it is more than half of my life (just) and to simply push it aside would be wrong and many of my life experiences would simply not have happened and most important of all I would not have our daughter, my best friend.

A simple example is the picture I opened my door to on Saturday morning. Many years ago my husband planted lots of bulbs in the hedgerow opposite our house and each spring is marked by their appearance. Last year when I didn't want to see them I felt like pulling them all up but this year I smiled to myself and saw them as the birth of spring, a beautiful blanket of colour. Yes I am blessed.

Wednesday, 21 January 2009

An outsiders view of a new President

A very good friend is working in Ethiopia at the moment and he emailed this today. With his permission I want to share it with everyone:

For something completely different, yesterday was Inauguration Day for Barack Obama in Washington and someone here decided there should be an Inauguration Ball in Addis Ababa. There was an Italian connection, too, so the event was dubbed "Obama Mia". Go figure. Almost 300 folks gathered at the Italian Cultural Center for the inauguration ceremonies on CNN followed by dinner and dancing. A very enthusiastic crowd made it a lot of fun. One of the organizers even wrote a song that was sung by the entire audience led by a very talented quartet (kind of like Abba, get it?):

Obama Mia (to the tune of Mama Mia) by Hanna Gibson
Verse 1
We've been cheated by Bush since we don't know when
So we made up our minds it must come to an end
Look at us then, did we ever learn?
We don't know how, but we voted him in again,
must have been fools back then
>From Dire Dawa all the way to Yokahama
We cheered you on Mr Barack Obama
Oh oh

Obama Mia here we stand with you
My my how can we resist you?
Obama Mia does it really show?
My my just how much we love you

Those were the bad old days
This is the time for change
Barack can you make our dreams come true?

Obama Mia does it really show?
My my just how much we love you

Verse 2
We have lots of high hopes for a man like you
Where to make a start though we haven't a clue
Palestine and Guantanamo
World's a mess, I guess you see that now
There is hope within our souls
For Peace, Wall Street, and all those other noble goals
What a relief, to sing Hail to the new Chief

Oh oh
Repeat Chorus

Sunday, 4 January 2009

A Natural Cathedral

My daughter was home for Christmas and then my sister and her husband came over to visit. The weather was great for N Ireland and so we wanted to get out and about, a friend from Church recommended a drive out to Bregagh road, she calls it an Natural cathedral but it is known locally as the Dark Hedge.

I have found more photos photos on google, it is such a peaceful and beautiful place, somewhere i will take all my visitors from now on.