Sunday, 19 July 2009

Say Goodbye

Two years ago today I thought my world had ended when my husband left me. I kept a diary for the first 2 weeks and when I reread that I think how did I come through it?

Well I did and although it has not been easy and I have relied on my faith, my friends, my sister and especially my daughter, thrown myself into my job and I have made it to this anniversary.

Brooke sent me a book from Australia a few months back, Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert , in this book a recently divorced woman goes travelling to 'find herself', she Eats her way through Italy, Prays in a retreat in India and then goes off to find love. The book is hundreds of incidents and I have almost reached the end of the Pray section. A few nights ago I read about her saying goodbye to her marriage, letting go of the hate and freeing herself up for the future. (Chapter 60).

So today I did the same, I didn't go to India, but took a drive along the coast and stopped by the sea and said goodbye, then I drove towards home and stopped again at Carnfunock. I bought an ice cream and sat on the verge and look out at the horizon. I couldn't see what was beyond, but I know there is somewhere and that is how I feel. I don't know what my future is but it is out there beyond the horizon.

Walking along the waters edge I picked up a large pebble, it stood out because it has history in it, lines like marble, and when I picked it up the bottom was covered in mud from the high tide. I brushed off the sand (more like mud) and as it dried I realised the pebble reflects me. There will always be the history of my marriage which makes me who I am, and now I have brushed off the hurt I am free to continue on.

I sat back down and meditated on this great feeling of 'moving on' when I heard a couple of motorcycles on the road behind me. Not that unusual, it is a lovely Sunday afternoon and the coast ride is a favourite for bikers, but this bike was a Harley and my husband (soon to be X) has a Harley and unbelievably he and another bike rode past.

He wouldn't have seen me and I am glad, real proof that he has 'ridden off out of my life' and I have survived.

You may call it just an amazing coincidence but to me it was a sign from my God